A lot has happened over the past year for me. Some for the better and some for the worse. My degree and career, I’m not sure how it happened, are very different. I planned to get a PhD from BJU. But that changed and I’m getting an MDiv finishing my PhD elsewhere. I’ve wanted to be a scholar. I still do, in so many ways. It is my passion.
But, I think I’ve gotten some vision of reality. The reality is that I’m a cut rate scholar with underwhelming skill. My dream of going to a high end school is well nigh impossible. And if I’m honest with myself, I should not expect anyone to listen to a farm loving redneck from Tigerville S.C..
Even if I were to get my PhD, what then? I could author a few articles and a book, but for what purpose? It doesn’t seem like there is anything for me to do. Yes, there are plenty of things to research. But there are not many people who care about it.
In the end, I can only summarize things with one world: disappointment. I’m a disappointment. My life and career are a disappointing. The only things that keep me going are God and my family.